Friday, December 23, 2005

Have you been naughty or nice?

Not that it matters - these days under new measures put through the elf-packed workshops of the north pole, if Santa suspects you of having even thought of being naughty it's no pressies for you. And he's probably been tapping your phone and monitoring your internet usage as well. Just be grateful he hasn't shot you repeatedly in the head yet. What a cunt.

(Check out my mad 2 minute photoshopping 5k177z...)

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Tube workers in bunch of slack bastard cunts non shocker! That's the New Year fucked then. Cheers, you selfish, overpaid slackers.

Update: London Underground bastards - forgot about that, but it remains perfectly true.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Via DK, looks like an off-the-cuff comment I made at his place about Blair's EU budget deal is quoted in The Guardian today. Don't know if/when I'll et around to jotting down more considered thoughts on the whole thing, so if you care what I think, follow that link.

Call me a fascist by all means, but I'd say if a killer has "incomplete moral development of mental functioning" (a description that could be applied to most, if not all murderers, surely?), they should be locked up for the protection of society as a whole, not given the option of early release because them being a nutter means "their responsibility was diminished". Yes, that's right - I'm advocating the incarceration of sociopaths, psychopaths, and basically anyone who's a bit mental and violent.

Oh, and while we're on the subject of legal reforms, I'd also advocate the elimination of all age restrictions currently in place when it comes to sentencing - utterly illiberal not to have everyone equal under the law, after all. If you're old enough to commit a crime, you're old enough to be convicted for it. It might also act as a bit of a deterrant to those little brats who reckon they can get away with anything just because they've yet to reach legal maturity.

And now I'll try and stop sounding so much like a Daily Mail editorial for a bit.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Read this post and go to gaol

To blow up a passenger airliner you will need the following:

1) A large canister full of petrol
2) A match

Alternatively, just go for 3) A bomb of some description.

The difficult bit is smuggling the bastards onboard and positioning them somewhere where they can do maximum damage. But let's not concern ourselves with that. The very fact that you know HOW to blow up a plane means you can be sent to prison for six years.

Please note: this judgement comes from the self-same Northern Ireland which has seen the release of dozens of proven and convicted terrorist murderers over the last few years.

(And now let the outraged "you're missing the point" attacks commence in the comments...)

Europe is led by celebrity-obsessed tits

Jacques Chirac misusing the office of the presidency? Surely not!

"while [director Ron] Howard and [producer Brian] Grazer were in Paris auditioning actresses for [The Da Vinci Code]'s female lead, they got a call from the office of French President Jacques Chirac inviting them to swing by and say bonjour. 'We thought it was going to be a five-minute thing,' says Grazer. But Chirac asked them to sit down and get comfortable. Coffee was poured. They ended up staying close to an hour. Chirac insisted that his guests alert him if their request to film at the Louvre hit any snags. Not only that, he offered some... pointers. He suggested they cast his daughter's best friend—an actress of some acclaim—in the role of Sophie Neveu, the elegant young cryptographer at the heart of the book's mystery. And he wondered aloud, half seriously, if they could sweeten the paycheck for actor Jean Reno"
Shame Brando's dead, really - I could just picture him playing Chirac in full-on Don Corleone mode - "I do you a favour, you do me a favour" etc. Still, it puts Tony Blair's visiting of former drug addict, alcoholic, statutory rapist and home-made porn film producer Rob Lowe in the the wake of the July bombings in perspective - they're all at it, ignoring matters of state to suck up to celebrities. Still, Sam Seabourn's slightly more impressive than Richie Cunningham in my books - and The Da Vinci Code's going to be a pile of shite so, erm, well done Tony, I suppose...

In other news, keep your eye on the European Parliament today - MEPs may yet scupper Blair's budget deal. On which more, perhaps, later.

Monday, December 19, 2005

One man dead after public body rules his killer not to be a threat? Inquiry ordered by Charles Clarke.

Over fifty dead after public body rules their killers not to be a threat? Inquiry ruled out by Charles Clarke.


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