Have you been naughty or nice?
Not that it matters - these days under new measures put through the elf-packed workshops of the north pole, if Santa suspects you of having even thought of being naughty it's no pressies for you. And he's probably been tapping your phone and monitoring your internet usage as well. Just be grateful he hasn't shot you repeatedly in the head yet. What a cunt.
(Check out my mad 2 minute photoshopping 5k177z...)
Read this post and go to gaol
To blow up a passenger airliner you will need the following:
1) A large canister full of petrol
2) A match
Alternatively, just go for 3) A bomb of some description.
The difficult bit is smuggling the bastards onboard and positioning them somewhere where they can do maximum damage. But let's not concern ourselves with that. The very fact that you know HOW to blow up a plane means you can be sent to prison for six years.
Please note: this judgement comes from the self-same Northern Ireland which has seen the release of dozens of proven and convicted terrorist murderers over the last few years.
(And now let the outraged "you're missing the point" attacks commence in the comments...)
Europe is led by celebrity-obsessed tits
Jacques Chirac misusing the office of the presidency? Surely not!
"while [director Ron] Howard and [producer Brian] Grazer were in Paris auditioning actresses for [The Da Vinci Code]'s female lead, they got a call from the office of French President Jacques Chirac inviting them to swing by and say bonjour. 'We thought it was going to be a five-minute thing,' says Grazer. But Chirac asked them to sit down and get comfortable. Coffee was poured. They ended up staying close to an hour. Chirac insisted that his guests alert him if their request to film at the Louvre hit any snags. Not only that, he offered some... pointers. He suggested they cast his daughter's best friend—an actress of some acclaim—in the role of Sophie Neveu, the elegant young cryptographer at the heart of the book's mystery. And he wondered aloud, half seriously, if they could sweeten the paycheck for actor Jean Reno"
Shame Brando's dead, really - I could just picture him playing Chirac in full-on Don Corleone mode - "I do you a favour, you do me a favour" etc. Still, it puts Tony Blair's visiting
of former drug addict, alcoholic, statutory rapist and home-made porn film producer Rob Lowe in the the wake of the July bombings in perspective - they're all at it, ignoring matters of state to suck up to celebrities. Still, Sam Seabourn's slightly more impressive than Richie Cunningham in my books - and The Da Vinci Code's going to be a pile of shite so, erm, well done Tony, I suppose...
In other news, keep your eye on the European Parliament today - MEPs may yet scupper Blair's budget deal. On which more, perhaps, later.